Too Busy to Relate

Generosity Day

by Vicki on February 14, 2012

Saturday afternoon I ran in to a Safeway to pick up a few items. On my way back to the car, a man called out to me. I wasn’t certain what he said at first, but after he spoke a few more sentences I got the gist – he was without money and unable to get himself home. He appeared to be highly intoxicated.

He then clearly said, “No one will help me.”

I weighed my options. I didn’t think he was going to be able to get himself home without significant help, I didn’t have money on me to give him and I didn’t feel safe bringing him home myself.

I decided that some words of encouragement were all I could offer that day.

I left feeling as though I’d made the wrong decision. I’m still not certain how I could have been most helpful to him. But I feel I let someone in need down.

Fast forward to Monday morning when I found Sasha Dichter’s blog.

What brought me to his blog was a comment on Twitter about his “generosity experiment”. He too experienced a situation where he wished he had responded differently to a request for help.

As he describes,

The experiment was an intuitive, gut reaction to an incongruence I felt between my commitment to creating massive social change, my work with philanthropists to support this mission, and how I saw myself behave in the face of acute need right in front of me.  The “Experiment” was just that: a chance to test what it felt like to live with a totally different orientation.  It was a commitment to take a door that was too closed for my taste and open it wide.

If you follow the PROVOKE blog regularly, you might be wondering why we’ve decided to post on Tuesday versus Friday….it’s because along with being Valentine’s Day it is also Generosity Day 2012.

In the past year, many of the projects we’ve have had the opportunity to work on revolve around tough social problems that require a shift in thinking from the “me” to the “we” (i.e., we are all interconnected and in this together).  We feel that the intent behind the concepts of generosity and giving are an important piece of the puzzle.

So go ahead and live Sasha’s advice for today:

Today you can give yourself permission to be outrageously kind, irrationally warm, improbably generous.  I promise it will be a blast.

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I’ll Do It My Way

by Karen on September 23, 2011

Everywhere I turn, I observe people taking short cuts to problem solving, side-stepping the opportunity and responsibility to get involved and help make improvements.  Instead they throw up their hands and seem to be saying “I’ll do it my way!” Why?

A social/recreation organization I belong to was at one time considered one of the best places to meet new people and build long-lasting friendships.  Events were organized to ensure if you wanted to be involved, improve your skills and meet new people, you just sign up.  If the events weren’t meeting member needs, there was a strong desire to meet with the leaders and fix it.  Most recently, however, small groups of “discontented” folks have chosen to solve their problem by forming their own exclusive group.  Outcome: an organization that is not welcoming to new people, excludes (intentionally or unintentionally) others and ultimately creates a disconnected community.

Less than a year ago a client was excited to be outsourcing a part of the business to a partner hoping to leverage the superior experience of that partner and free up time and resources to concentrate on their core business.  Now, this same organization is taking back the activity because the partner doesn’t value their assets like they had hoped.

A client listened intently to the learnings of a discovery we completed.  It made sense to him, he wanted to know more about how to execute accordingly, took notes and went back to his desk to give it a try.  Three days later he asked to meet and review his work.  It was as if he didn’t really buy-in to our recommendations.  When I asked why, his response was, “Well I agree completely with your findings, it all makes sense, but if I changed my approach it would take too long and it wouldn’t look like my work anyway.”

A young friend just entering college, in a program of her choice and passion, is already “hating” it.  The instructors are well qualified and respected.  It is a program that is small and as such is fully attentive to individual student needs and provides great opportunity to work with fellow students.  However, this learner doesn’t like being told what to do and as such, just isn’t doing it.  She can’t see value in listening and learning from successful leaders in her chosen field.  She wants to make “her own mark.”

What is the common thread in all of these conversations?  Is it the missing desire to collaborate, listen to others, learn from others, and work together for a better solution?  Or, is it something to do with the idea of the “me generation”?  Or is it simply that people are too busy to relate?

Frustrating.

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Graceful Exits

by Trudy on July 1, 2011

Overly emphasized around here of late, exits are an important part of relationships too.

At PROVOKE we have had some sad days recently. A dear client lost a grandmother, the matriarch that kept the family together. A grounding friend/associate left the city for an exciting new life. And the painful passing of a beloved dog and companion.

All of this got me to thinking about graceful exits.

Exits are a natural part of relationships. An article I read recently pointed out a stat that lifelong connections are actually the rarity.

So I guess the real question is about how we choose to make our exits in life. Whether it is with a partner, friend, client, supplier, whomever.

I have always seen it is about grace, compassion and generosity. Some see it as drama, others choose a head in the sand method. There are many more I am sure.

What I would like to leave you with is, exits are an important, if uncomfortable part of a relationship. Be as purposeful in the conclusion of relationships as you are within them. And let it be a true reflection of you.

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Are We Having Fun Yet?

June 10, 2011

I had the opportunity to rejuvenate my brain last week at a conference, and I also got in some reading time during my travels. I had one big AHA moment when I started to read a highly interesting book called Wired for Joy! by Laurel Mellin. Laurel’s first hit up the side of the head [...]

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End of the World or Time to Dance?

May 20, 2011

I’ll admit it, I listen to too much talk radio, in my car, in my office, whenever I can.  I love to hear the diversity of opinions in this world through talk radio, and particularly the people who call in. It is a natural outcrop of my unending curiosity to understand different perspectives on any [...]

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